It Reminds of When Iraq Went to War With Iran Some Years Back

You felt sorry for the poor people in the middle, but watching two of your enemies go at each other reminds me of the famous saying by Clarence Darrow, "I have never killed anyone, but I have read many obituaries with pleasure." The Unequivocal Notion blog, being out on the left, unsurprisingly has a link to the website of Modern Drunkard magazine--which is not a satire. Just for amusement, I thought I would see what Modern Drunkard's editorial page had to say:

As an alcohol enthusiast, you’re probably aware that the PC nannies on the Left and the Bible thumpers on the Right are aligned against us. And fanatical Muslims, of course.

What you might not know is an even more virulently anti-alcohol group has sprung to life right in our midst. How virulent, you ask?

Their propaganda campaign would make the Anti-Saloon League blush. Their billboards announce that alcohol is the culprit behind incest and child molestation. They’ve put out wanted posters for brewer Pete Coors and Denver mayor (and bar owner) John Hinkenlooper, accusing them of “dealing a deadly drug.” They say anyone selling alcohol, bartenders included, is a murderous pusher.

Go to their website and the first thing you’ll notice is a graphic blaming alcohol for domestic violence, rape, and murder. They lay Mark Foley’s perversity, Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitism and even Dick Cheney’s shotgun incident squarely at alcohol’s feet. Their logic seems to be: Have you done anything wrong? Do you drink? Then it’s alcohol's fault!
So who is this diabolical organization? Who could have so much hate in their heart for the thing we love so much?

You’ll never guess.

It’s SAFER (Safer Alternative For Enjoyable Recreation.) A marijuana legalization group.

Et tu, Bongus?

Who would have guessed? We’ve always considered them allies, haven’t we? There’s a helluva lot of crossover between pot smokers and boozeheads, and I think it safe to say drinkers are many times more likely to support the legalization of marijuana than teetotalers.

So what would compel SAFER to so vehemently attack sweet Mother Booze?

Sheer crassness. The organization’s founder, Mason Tvert, is known as the Karl Rove of the stoner set, and no wonder. SAFER has embarked on a win-at-any-cost campaign, displaying the callousness of a swimmer willing to climb on top of anyone’s head, so long as he saves himself from drowning. He figures if SAFER can demonize alcohol enough, marijuana will seem angelic in comparison.

What makes this somewhat amusing is that indeed, alcohol is a very serious social problem. Most Americans drink alcohol responsibly--but the minority that doesn't is pretty darn large. And yes, as much as Modern Drunkard might like to think otherwise, intoxication does cause people to do stupid things that they probably would not do while sober. Unfortunately, it isn't just alcohol intoxication. Some schoolmates of my wife were beaten to death with hammers by a couple of burglars while on heroin.

There is an overpowering body of evidence of the causal connection between intoxication (usually, but not always, with alcohol) and rape, murder, child molestation, drunk driving, industrial accidents, and even economic crimes, such as robbery and burglary. For some people, alcohol and other intoxicants take away the top 40,000 years of civilized behavior--and that's the best reason why governments for centuries have made some attempt to control intoxicants.

Watching potheads and a group that would call itself Modern Drunkard get into a bar fight--ah, I can just applaud both sides.