Saturday, January 21, 2006

Lawyer Humor

Or at least, humor about lawyers:
You know you need a new lawyer WHEN..........

  • During your initial consultation, he tries to sell you some Amway products.
  • He tells you his last good case was a "Budweiser"
  • When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
  • He picks the jury by playing "Eeeenie, meeeenie, miiiiiiny, moe".
  • During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
  • The Court Bailiff starts shaving your head during your first court appearance.
  • Every couple of minutes, he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and downs a shot.
  • He frequently gives juror number 4 the finger.
  • He places a large "NO REFUNDS" sign on the defense table.
  • He begins his closing argument with, "As Ally McBeal once said..."
  • Just before he says "Your Honor", he makes little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
  • The sign in front of his office reads "Practicing law since 2:30pm"
  • Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
  • He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs".
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