Like A Saturday Night Live Skit

You want to laugh, but you also want to cry.  From the June 18, 2010 The Blotter:

Police have issued an arrest warrant for a man accused of injuring a gas station clerk while attempting to rob him — with a caulk gun.

The suspect fled the scene in the company of a transgender prostitute he’d picked up earlier in the evening, according to an affidavit issued by the Travis County Sheriff’s Office.

More proof that crack doesn't just kill--it makes you incredibly stupid, too.

Use The Right Tool For The Job

Use The Right Tool For The Job

Remember when your father taught you not to use a screwdriver to drive a nail? Not to use a knife to turn a screw? Use the wrong tool, and you are likely to damage something--maybe yourself. Here's yet another example of "use the wrong tool, someone gets hurt." It almost reads like a redneck joke. From the April 9, 2008 St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

SEDALIA, Mo. -- Prosecutors are not expected to file charges against a Missouri man who fatally shot his wife while he was trying to install a satellite TV system in their home.

Henry County investigators ruled that Patsy Long's March 22 death was accidental. Her husband, Ronald Long, fired his .22 caliber pistol from inside their Deepwater home after he couldn't punch a hole through the exterior wall using other means.

The sheriff's office said the 34-year-old woman was hit in the chest by the second of two shots.

If someone later establishes that it didn't really happen this way, I won't be surprised.

There's a Lesson Here for Hardcore Libertarians, I'm Sure

I just can't figure out what it is, other than, "don't be stupid." From August 2, 2007 Baton Rouge channel 9:

Kimberly Grosset was visiting her boyfriend, Robert White when their time together took a bad turn. Calcasieu Parish Sheriff Tony Mancuso says, "White and Grosset were engaged in consensual sexual behavior involving a firearm when the firearm was discharged, resulting in his death."

The single bullet struck White in the head, and as he struggled to hold on to life, Grosset made an emergency call for help. Mancuso says, "The shooter called 9-1-1 and we responded."

White was taken to Lake Charles Memorial Hospital where he died around 3:00 A.M. Thursday morning. Authorities say the shooting appears to be an accident. "From the information we've gathered," says Mancuso, "this is an activity that the couple engaged in frequently."

Since authorities believe there was no criminal intent behind White's death, Grosset has been charged with negligent homicide, which carries a maximum of five years behind bars. Mancuso says, "When you know something's dangerous and you're intentionally still doing it, there's still a result and a consequence to that and in this particular case it would be negligent homicide."

You don't normally manage to get "consensual sexual behavior" and "firearm" into a single news story.

Is That a Promise?

Yet another new term: "vegansexual." From the August 2, 2007 New Zealand Press:

A new phenomenon in New Zealand is taking the idea of you are what you eat to the extreme.

Vegansexuals are people who do not eat any meat or animal products, and who choose not to be sexually intimate with non-vegan partners whose bodies, they say, are made up of dead animals.

The co-director of the New Zealand Centre for Human and Animal Studies at Canterbury University, Annie Potts, said she coined the term after doing research on the lives of "cruelty-free consumers".

If you click over to that link, you can see a (work-safe) picture of Nichola Kriek. I don't think she has to worry about "carnivores" wanting to have sex with her, unless perhaps they have been driven blind by too much meat.

This Is A Remarkably Stupid Idea

A purse in the shape of a machine gun. Another than a fashion slave, what woman is going to find a machine gun shaped-purse attractive? Some cop, somewhere, responding to a bank robbery, is going to see this purse, and think, "Patty Hearst."



And another fashion slave bites the dust.

Too Stupid To Stay Out of the Hospital

Here's one of those reminders that if you are stupid enough, you don't even need a gun to shoot yourself:

LAKE LUZERNE, N.Y. (AP) - A teenager who put bullets in a vise and whacked them with a hammer to empty the brass shell casings was wounded in the abdomen by approximately the 100th bullet he hit, according to Warren County deputies.

Damion M. Mosher, 18, had been discharging .223-caliber rounds, placing them in a steel vise, putting a screwdriver on the primer, and striking the screwdriver with the hammer, deputies said.

Deputies were called to his home in Lake Luzerne shortly after 5 p.m. Saturday when one bullet went about a half-inch into his abdomen. He was treated at Glens Falls Hospital and was released. No charges were filed.

Mosher told authorities he was trying to empty the rounds to collect the brass casings for scrap.

Sheriff Larry Cleveland said about 100 other rounds that Mosher hit had "fizzled," but one was somehow sent with more force. It was unclear if the bullet ricocheted or hit him directly.

An employee of Capitol Scrap Co. in Albany said Monday the business pays $1.70 a pound for scrap brass shell casings.

Cleveland said Mosher's shells amounted to just a few pounds.

This just makes me scratch my head in wonder. Fired brass is certainly worth something, enough that after going shooting, I usually pick up my brass. But unfired ammunition is worth a lot more! Brand new, the cheapest .223 is about .22 cents a round. I'm sure that with a little effort, Mosher could have sold that 100 rounds for $2 to someone--and that would have been worth a lot more than he was going to get for the brass.

Teachers in Need of Firing

Traumatizing children as a "learning experience":

MURFREESBORO, Tennessee (AP) -- Staff members of an elementary school staged a fictitious gun attack on students during a class trip, telling them it was not a drill as the children cried and hid under tables.

The mock attack Thursday night was intended as a learning experience and lasted five minutes during the weeklong trip to a state park, said Scales Elementary School Assistant Principal Don Bartch, who led the trip.

"We got together and discussed what we would have done in a real situation," he said.

But parents of the sixth-grade students were outraged.

"The children were in that room in the dark, begging for their lives, because they thought there was someone with a gun after them," said Brandy Cole, whose son went on the trip.

Some parents said they were upset by the staff's poor judgment in light of the April 16 shootings at Virginia Tech that left 33 students and professors dead, including the gunman.

During the last night of the trip, staff members convinced the 69 students that there was a gunman on the loose. They were told to lie on the floor or hide underneath tables and stay quiet. A teacher, disguised in a hooded sweat shirt, even pulled on a locked door.

Deranged Democrats At It Again

And one with such a fine last name, too:

LAS VEGAS - A man accused of threatening a Nevada Republican Party official with a rifle was arrested Tuesday in a vehicle in which police found swords, knives, a shotgun, shells and a flare gun, authorities said.

Matthew Hunter Kramer, 31, did not resist officers who arrested him on a warrant issued after the April 3 confrontation at state Republican Party offices in Las Vegas. It wasn't clear why he was not arrested earlier.

Zachary Moyle, executive director of the state GOP, told The Associated Press on Tuesday that Kramer invited him to look at something in the trunk of his Mercedes before pulling out a rifle, pointing it at his face and warning that he would be back if President Bush vetoed an emergency war spending bill being considered by Congress.

Bush and Democratic leaders are locked in a dispute over the president's pledge to veto legislation if it sets a timetable on the
Iraq war.

Kramer also removed photos of Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney from the wall of the office and threatened to harm staff members, Moyle said. Kramer left his cell phone number with office staff before leaving, police said.

Did he think that he wouldn't be arrested for threatening violence?