One of Those Letters That Just Makes You Cry

I received this from a reader, Vicki, of these two Shotgun News articles, who gave me permission to share it:

Hi, I just finished reading your article and couldn't [have] said it better, I am living this nightmare. I have a son that is 27 and schizophrenic and homeless at present. I have been going through all that you wrote about for 6 years and we are no closer to a solution now than we were 6 years ago.

There just is no help for families going through this. I stopped attending NAMI meetings because I am a realist and I want solutions not potlucks.

The National Association on Mentally Ill (NAMI) is the organization for the mentally ill, family members, and friends who are trying to fix the serious problems related to this. Their local organizations provide support and encouragement for family members struggling with getting help for sick relatives, and for some people, this is a necessary and valuable capability. There's a limit to what the local organizations can do considering the state of the laws. Vicki's frustration is understandable. Don't let that frustration preclude you from contacting NAMI if you are in Vicki's shoes. You'll need all the supportive faces you can find, the longer you struggle to help a sick child.

When I vent to family members they tell me to write letters and publish them but Your article left no stone unturned. The problem is no one cares except families going through this.

Unfortunately, Vicki isn't too far off about this. For much of the American population, they do not realize the extent of the problem, and for the small fraction that are aware that there is a problem, they don't fully understand the nature of the problem--much less understand the conflicts and legal issues involved.

My son at one time was found gravely disabled and held [for] 14 days when a public defender showed up and got him released the same afternoon. All I got were apologies from the hospital, they said that this happens all the time. My husband was on a business trip, so when my son (after being told not to come back to my house) arrived by taxi. I had to move out and live out of a suitcase until my husband got home.

The hardest thing about all this is I love my son and I hate that I fear him. He doesn't understand that and is repeatedly hurt over and over by me because he doesn't know that I am afraid of him. How does your mom deal with this?

I am trying so hard to keep my health in spite of this but it's real hard. It seems that we have only 2 choices: to turn our homes into mental institutions, and I know you know what that is like, and the alternative is to take our sick loved ones and kick them to the curb so they have to live like animals.

I constantly get citations in the mail for my son, the most recent was for $182.00 for sleeping on a beach. Kick him while he's down. When I've had to call the police to my house they tell me that it's not a crime to be mentally ill and can't get them to 5150 him, because they just don't want to do the paperwork, but they sure don't have any compassion for these mentally ill when they are trying to meet their quota.

Vicki lives in California; California Welfare and Institutions Code section 5150 provides for observational holds on a person that police or psychiatric professionals believe to be mentally ill and potentially dangerous to himself or to others. As I explained to Vicki, it isn't that the police don't care, but that as her experience when her son was hospitalized for observation (the "14 days" she mentions) demonstrated, there is a pretty vigorous effort by those who imagine themselves to be advocates for the mentally ill to make sure that no one is hospitalized, even temporarily, for evaluation.

I want to know why families no longer have any rights. Don't I have a right to have a life? I'm exhausted, yet I meet families that have been going through this for 30, 40 years. Parenting normal children for the rest of your life would be exhausting. I have tried to live with him and I became a prisoner to my bedroom as he slowly took over my house. I have to constantly have my bedroom door locked. I live in constant fear in my own home.

This has been so terrifying for me; you should see what it has done to my other son. He has so much anxiety. When this started he was 11; now he's 18 and he's an emotional wreck, and fears that he is going crazy. It's hell for siblings but for the parents it's forever, theres no light at the end of the tunnel. I live every day fearing his return, and I know that this is just a little calm before another storm. Thanks for reading, any advice form someone who knows what I'm talking about, would be appreciated. vicki

I've given what advice I could. My brother's breakdown started when I was about 15, and while it was unpleasant and at times scary, I got through it without any permanent damage.

Many schizophrenics aren't scary. Those who do become violent, even if it is just property damage, create enormous fear in family and friends. Unfortunately, the problem that Vicki is going through is one shared by large numbers of parents across America. Some marriages do not survive the stress.

I've been planning to start annoying my legislators about the failures of our current system here in Idaho (and unfortunately, Idaho isn't unusual at all), but I've been waiting for a break in my current research project. It's time to turn my energies onto the Idaho legislature.

Too many lives are being destroyed.