Direction of Causality

Direction of Causality

Dr. Helen (Instapundit's wife, a psychologist) has an article up at PajamasMedia arguing that porn doesn't destroy marriages. I think there is a tendency in some circles to emphasize porn as the destroyer, while failing to see that porn is often a symptom of more serious marital problems.

Nonetheless, the comments (and there are hundreds now) reveal that there are a lot of very upset men and women out there, doing a lot of blaming. Selfishness is the biggest enemy of successful marriages. It's bigger than porn, or alcohol, or marijuana, or football games--because when you ignore the needs of your spouse, it tends to come back and bite you later.

UPDATE: A very funny comment by someone satirizing the way that romance novels (such as the Twilight series) create unrealistic expectations in women--but there is little criticism directed at that genre:

Fortunately, I have the ability to satisfy my wife’s emotional needs at all times by sparkling in the sunlight, flying with her in my arms through the trees when the mood strikes, defending her against all external attacks by werewolves and evil vampires-in-law.

I do this by being idle rich but having no visible means of support; owning the coolest and biggest modern house deep in the woods; being 400 years old yet forever young and virile and, finally, by thinking about her 24 hours per day because, as I do not sleep, I simply watch her…to bask in her remarkable attractiveness.

UPDATE 2: Another riotously funny comment:

Like Italian sports cars, new lovers are great fun for about 1 week. Then the bills start. The parts require constant tweaking. The paint job requires protection from the weather, sun and all touching. The dollars per mile cost is unbelivable. Half the time the car won’t start for one reason or another, and it will leave on it’s own to be in “the shop”. The car never pays for what happens in “the shop” but it keeps going back. It’s always in your mind, and sometimes in her conversation, that to really drive the new model to the limits, you need to be one of a handful of highly trained professionals, with incredible natural gifts. Like her previous driver, not the current one.

And, of course, sooner or later they always get stolen. Usually sooner.